For years, I raged against the world.
They lied.
They took advantage.
They didn't keep their word
Do you hear the rhythm? They. They. They.
Every sentence began with someone else's name, and I was always the victim.
When someone upsets you, the instinct is to blame them. But I came to a conclusion
If someone lied to me, perhaps I made truth too costly to speak.
If someone took advantage, perhaps I left the door open and called it trust.
If someone didn't keep their word, perhaps I built on promises instead of proof.
Saying "it's my fault" means: I'm in control.
Suddenly I wasn't wronged. They were just playing their part in the situation I helped create.
I made it happen.
I can learn from it.
Nothing to complain about.
It was strangely joyful to decide it was all my fault.
Better than forgiveness. Forgiveness still keeps you as the victim, still assumes they were the aggressor.
When someone let me down, my fault.
I could have not depended on them.
I could have picked someone more reliable.
When my government sucks, my fault.
I could vote, get involved, or move somewhere else.
When boss is mean to me, my fault.
I could get better at my job, find a new job, or start my own business.
When you take responsibility, you keep the power to solve the problem.
If you don't, you give that power away.
Responsibility equals agency.
Complaining = saying I have no power.
It's "I can't change this, so I'll just whine."
"All the good opportunities are taken."
"You can't succeed unless you're rich."
"The system is rigged."
Yes, life isn't fair.
The world is tilted.
But it's not all luck.
Your actions change outcomes.
Over decades, persistence beats luck.
The trick is time.
Success takes longer than you think.
That's why vision matters. Alexander the Great dreamed of a "world empire", Napoleon of unified Europe under French influence, Walt Disney of Disneyland and Disney World, Bezos of "the everything store", Jobs of the iPad decades before it existed.
A big vision keeps you going long enough to make it real.
If you believe you can't change anything, you won't try. If you don't try, you prove yourself right. Cynicism becomes self-fulfilling.
Even worse, we often ask for advice when we secretly want to fail. Then we can blame the advice-giver.
We set ourselves up to be victims.
When everything is your fault, you stop being a victim.
You stop being someone things happen to.
You become someone who makes things happen.
Blame yourself • Take responsibility • Preserve your agency • Save yourself